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Scott Wallace
All those bald jokes that we have had to endure can now be turned against the woolly mammoths.
Revenge of the Bald Men

How many times have you heard that someone was sentenced to home dete­­ntion by a court and thought to yourself, “well that doesn’t seem like much of a punishment.”

Well just over one week into Lockdown, you now know that 12 months home detention is a severe punishment.

It’s Lockdown, for 12 months, without the freedom to exercise.

Some other Lockdown observations thus far.

It seems that people are exercising more. Like every day. That’s a good thing, except many of them are walking in the middle of the road.

Kudos too to Les Mills who had the bright idea to put their classes on free-to-air TV. 

How we feel exercising at home. We all know the reality is not so glamorous.

Although the Real Housewife does report that it is difficult to still see the television when you’re doing the Downward Dog. Now there’s a real first world problem if you’ve ever heard one.

People are baking. Or are they just buying flour?

Gardens are getting more attention than ever. Everyone’s lawns are perfect, except for those who have a lawn man, who can’t come over, and don’t have their own lawnmower.

The house is spotless.

There’s no ironing because you aren’t wearing clothes that need a press.

You can wear your pyjamas all day and just put on a presentable shirt for the Zoom meetings.

I think it’s time we give up the fantasy that we could ever pull off a robe-suit combo.

A quick word on Zoom. 

You need to put some thought into what is behind you, because apparently, people love gawking at your home and the decorations, or lack thereof.

So don’t look too flash or too hard-up because you are being judged.

As predicted in the last newsletter, people are starting to look a bit woolly. The hair is starting to get somewhat unruly.

Razor blade sales were already in decline and now they must be near non-existent.

Finally, bald men are getting their revenge. Their look is unchanged.

All those bald jokes that we have had to endure can now be turned against the woolly mammoths.

How long we are in Lockdown for remains the most pressing question.

How long can we endure? And what will life be like once we are set free?

Will people revert to going back to the cinema and restaurants? Do we dare being that close to people again?

Will companies realise that employees working from home saves a lot on rent?

Will freedom from Lockdown be reminiscent of VE day in 1945 when everyone had one great almighty party?

It certainly feels that way.

I don't think any of us are going to look this polished.

It’s ironic that just when we all need magazines, Bauer Media folds their tent. Probably somewhat inevitable, but the virus was the straw that broke that camel’s back. (Though their timing is suspicious.)

We hope you are all staying busy.

At least the Internet is holding together.

Keep thinking about how your company can make Lockdown somewhat more bearable for the citizens of Aotearoa.

Pay attention to all those work tasks that you never seem to be able to find the time to do, and use this time to get them done.

Update your website.

Tidy up your customer database.

Write your business plan.

Or start making facemasks.

There’s a dollar in that.

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